Every stage of parenting has it's moments. For every moment of pure bliss, joy and love, there are moments of frustration, stress, and worry. For every milestone you achieve and every tough stage you survive, there seems to be another. Having babies is hard. Having toddlers is hard. Having preschoolers is hard. Having school aged kids is hard. Having middle school aged kids is hard. Having high school aged kids is hard. Although we can not compare lives, stages, or kids, we can call agree having kids is hard, but it doesn't have to be.
Raising kids on your own is impossible, and it's never how it was supposed to be. For thousands of years children were raised by families, with friends, along side communities, and in villages. The saying "it takes a village" very literally meant, "it takes a village". It wasn't expected for any one person, or any two parents to raise their children alone. It wasn't expected for any one person, or any two parents to know how to parent or how to deal with every challenge or obstacle that arouse. People relied on their elders and community members for advice and guidance. They helped each other raise their children in a way that has since gone away. We have to find the people in our lives that can help guide us as parents, and help raise our children to become good humans and productive members of society. We can not, and should not, do it alone.
Finding those people is an evolving process that changes over time. The playgroups, moms groups, and friendships that you bonded with over sleepless nights and feeding schedules may not be the same group that gets you through toddler time outs, biting at daycare, and grocery store temper tantrums. The group you bonded with at indoor play spaces during those long winter months, may not be the same group you stand beside on the sidelines at the cold spring sports. The truth is, those people can and will change, but the reasons do not.
You need to find your people. The people who you trust and love, and will, without question or judgement, be there. The people who will hold your baby so you can shower and pee by yourself. The people who bring you coffee and popsicles when they know you are stuck at home with four vomiting kids. The people who will call you every day just to talk, despite your screaming kids in the background. The people who don't judge you when your child is the biter, the pincher, or the kid always in time out. The people who will celebrate your parenting wins, and hold you up when you fail. The people who don't care if your house is a disaster, or if you're feeding your kids chicken nuggets again for dinner. The people who are without question willing to help you with carpooling to sports, dance, clubs, and activities day after day without a complaint. The people who you can vent to, cry with, and laugh along side, these are your people.
Children were meant to be raised by people, not a person. When you bring other people into your life you expand their world outside of your bubble. You expose them to new ideas, new values, and new expectations. You teach them how to listen to and respect others, how to be responsible and reliable, how to support one another, and how to think beyond themselves. Raising good humans takes people; parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, coaches, church members, and community members to name a few. Sometimes our people stay forever, sometimes they come and go, and sometime they come into your life at just the right time. Somedays, parenting without your people is an impossible task. So, find your people, find new people, and thank the people you already have, because the truth is we all need them.
