Sometimes it's easier to do things yourself, than to spend the time preparing, explaining, and demonstrating how it should be done. But, if we continually do everything for others, than how can we ever expect them to do it for themselves? Maybe it's not exactly how you would have done it, maybe it's not the easiest way or the best way, maybe it's not the cleanest way, or the most efficient way, and maybe you spent more time explaining how to do it, than it actually took to get done, but let them do it. I hear so often from friends lines like, "My husband could never do the bedtime routine", "my husband has never taken them out by himself", "my wife won't take one to the grocery store, never mind four!", but if you don't do it, or don't give them the chance to do it, they never will.
My husband is home by himself more than most Dads I know. Working full time nights and weekends, he has had to conquer the night time routine and the morning rush to get himself and four kids out the door and dropped off at their respective schools and daycares by 7:15a for years. He has to entertain them on weekends while I sleep before returning for another night shift away. When they were younger I would spend hours getting "ready" for work the night before. I would make dinner, give kids baths, pack backpacks, make lunches, fill water bottles, and lay out clothes and shoes for the next day. I would make lists for feeding schedules, bottle prep, pump milk, prep baby food, and make lists of who needed which tylenol, motrin, or antibiotic next. It wasn't that I ever thought he couldn't do it, I just thought doing as much as I could for him before I left could only make things easier for him while I was gone. It wasn't until I heard my toddler say "this isn't how we do it when you're at work" that I realized its OK to do things different.
The kids and your house will survive if it's not done your way, and its OK if it didn't get done at all. It's OK if your husband, wife, spouse, partner, grandparents, babysitter, or au pair forget to brush their teeth, skip bath before bed, dress them in an entirely mismatched-out of season-a size too small outfit, or decide not to address the morning bed head. It's OK if their bedtime routine is different than yours, and it's OK if they skipped their nap, had candy for snack, and ate mac and cheese again for dinner. It's OK if they spent the day out of the house with activities and a plan, or spent the day at home pulling out every toy you've ever purchased. It's OK if they all slept in your bed, the dishes never got done, the laundry never got switched over, and wet bathing suits and towels still lay in a pile on the floor.
Here's the thing, for the most part, kids love routines and life is certainly made a lot easier through organization, planning, schedules and preparation. But the reality is, life is unpredictable, and no matter how much you prepare, the unexpected will happen. Parenting is a constant act of achieving a "new normal" and learning how adapt to that change and go with the flow. The ability to adjust to constant change is the key to success in not only parenting, but throughout life. Although boundaries need to be set, and safety should always be a priority, trust those who are caring for your kids, even if they're doing it their way. Set them up for success, but don't micromanage them to the point of inevitable failure when things don't go as planned. When parents learn to adjust to the eb and flow of life and parenting, kids do too. It's important for kids to see both parents, both genders, and all ages capable of working and caring for kids.
So, stop calling and texting every hour, stop checking the home security cameras and baby monitors, and start trusting those who are at home with your kids. They will find you if they need you, and they will be more appreciative of you when you get home. Kids who can adjust to change become better students and teammates, better employees and employers, and better husbands and wives. Stop telling them how to do it your way, and let them do it their way, cause in that very moment it's the right way.